FilmBlather.com

"Nepotism belongs in the arts, not in plumbing."

There's a scene in The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement that has Princess Mia (Anne Hathaway) of the fictional Monarchy of Genovia put on an elaborate slumber party for the princesses of the surrounding lands. It's a ridiculously extended sequence, featuring mattress surfing, karaoke, and Sound of Music stalwart Julie Andrews being joined in a musical number by Disney Channel pop star Raven. None of this has anything to do with the story, existing solely as a diverting interlude and a method to pad the running time, which winds up at an absurd 113 minutes. It is an insufferable indulgence, interrupting and hampering an unoriginal but sincere plot, epitomizing most everything that's wrong with this piece of would-be teenybopper entertainment.

I have not seen the first film and so cannot compare the two, but it seems to me that here, director Garry Marshall is much more interested in putting on a variety revue than in actually telling a story. When he sits down, concentrates, and ekes the plot forward, his movie often works -- sometimes it's even funny. But when Princess Mia spends 10 minutes helping adorable orphans or continually missing her target in archery (you won't believe how long that montage goes on), the movie falters and falls. Movies for teenage boys are manifestly not the only ones preoccupied with spectacle.

Perhaps some will prefer this brand of excess to the sort exhibited in superhero flicks and shoot-em-ups. I think it's pretty boring; at least when filmmakers try to surfeit the male contingent in this way, we get something interesting to look at. Gender prejudices must play a role, of course, but it seems to me that sap is inherently less fun than machismo. If the description that opens this review sounds dreadful to you, believe me: it's worse.

Shame, since The Princess Diaries 2 could have been a charming fairy tale (or continuation thereof, as the case may be). Its hook -- free-spirited princess finds out that she must accept an arranged marriage within 30 days to become queen -- doesn't break any new ground, but it's occasionally handled with some elegance, teaching some valuable and not terribly pandering lessons to its target audience. I liked the way the movie turns what would ordinarily have been the story's villain into the love interest, as well as how the script refuses to allow Princess Mia to sulk about her fate, instead making her an extremely game and proactive character. She's interesting, and sympathetic, and we wish her well.

But in the end, the film doesn't let the story play out, pushing for a few too many happy endings. Anything kids might have learned from all this is pretty much negated by the dubious fact that everything turns out precisely the way the protagonist would have it. I didn't buy it even in a fairy tale context; Princess Mia gets to have her cake, eat it, use it to feed her entire extended family, and present it as evidence in the Nuremberg Trials. They likely thought kids wouldn't have it any other way, but they sometimes have a way of surprising you.

The entire exercise is about "fun," of course, but Marshall and Co. are so intent on shoving it down our throats that the first instinct is to rebel and be grouchy. Lately, many of the aforementioned testosterone-laden CGI spectacles have figured out that fun best comes naturally from a good story rather than sensory overload. It would seem that the female counterpart of the superhero genre has not yet started learning this lesson.