FilmBlather.com

"I dunno, you still look pretty tall to be a jock."

It feels almost obscene to dislike Seabiscuit when it offers such a welcome respite from the Charlie Boys 3: Extraordinary Raider summer that Hollywood has unleashed on us this year. Indeed, the temptation is there to praise it for that very reason, but it's a temptation that one should resist. The film stymied my every attempt to like it until I was forced to conclude that despite the pine-fresh smell it emits by virtue of its release date, it's just not very good. Director Gary Ross (Pleasantville) could have learned a thing or two from his title horse. Seabiscuit looked death in the face and emerged victorious; Ross goes gently into Oscar-bait hell.

I don't blame anyone who goes to see this movie; there isn't very much else like it this summer, very few alternatives for those who do not get their kicks from flash, action and CGI. Offering itself as counter-programming to the barrage of Sequels of Doom, Seabiscuit ought to do very well at the box-office, no doubt inspiring a string of newspaper articles about how old-fashioned entertainment has returned!. Judging by the thunderous applause at the fade-to-black, I'll be in the distinct minority on this. I accept that.

The film features sporadic narration by historian David McCullough, who provides period details as stock photographs flip across the screen. This is already an issue: are we comfortable with voice-over being used to provide a history lesson? There simply must be a better way to do this; after all, I've seen hundreds of period pictures that did not have to resort to such a bald, distracting expository move.

That said, it's not entirely surprising that Seabiscuit had to provide the necessary historical background in a voice-over; it simply didn't have time for anything else. This is a potentially compelling six-hour miniseries squeezed into a two-and-a-half hour movie, and the first half of the screenplay, which introduces automobile entrepreneur Charles Howard (Jeff Bridges) and aspiring horse racer Red Pollard (Tobey Maguire) before plunging them into the misery of the Great Depression, plays like it has a jockey on its back, riding it to the finish line.

By the end of the second reel, there are already scenes that are meant as big emotional payoffs, but the movie seems to exist in an emotional void. Moments after we meet the horse, a too-small but gutsy underdog that Howard's trainer Tom Smith (Chris Cooper) purports to turn into a derby winner, we're expected to cheer as Red gallops it through the forest, for some reason insisting that "you're an amazing animal." No; too easy. There's no emotional basis for that scene, or for a number of others that try to elicit applause from the audience. More than anything, the effect is puzzling.

The latter half is considerably more engaging in a very conventional sports movie kind of way, when we get to root for the underdog and see the pompous villains vanquished by the spunky Seabiscuit. This works well enough for what it is, but it's solidly in the summer movie spirit, and not very technically proficient at that; in other words, if that's where it's heading, there are many movies out there that do it better. The horse racing action is inherently repetitive, and by the time the last race came around, I thought "please, not another one."

If Seabiscuit wasn't so transparently begging for numerous Academy Awards, what with its attention-begging period piece elements, sweeping array of characters we barely get to meet, and inoffensive inspirational fodder ("It's better to break a man's leg than his heart."), the tone of this review would probably be quite different (though the grade wouldn't be). This is an ambitious, well-intentioned movie that will pack in the crowds and keep them coming with the good word-of-mouth that is sure to result. Acting honors will be in short supply as none of the performers get enough screen time to make a real impression, but they are all seasoned professionals and know how to keep your eyes on the screen.

Alas, this is one rare occasion when the ambition displayed by the writer-director leads the film astray. Seabiscuit tries to do so much, but does so little of it well. There are, however, no pyrotechnics, and at this point, that may be enough to get you in the theater. So be it.